Written Out of Your Own Story

I used to have a job. I've had many. I was good at them. Jobs wore me down. Now I'm tired. I'm resting. Anyway. When I had my last job, I would come home so tired that I'd watch streaming shows or YouTube and then play the sims for hours. It was my all consuming hobby. I loved taking pictures in the game and editing it and then just uploading it into my storage. It was one of those weird shame hobbies. The truth was that I was too tired to do anything else when I came home from work other than eat and play the sims. I stopped going out. I stopped talking to people. My isolation and alienation began to show itself. I no longer had anyone to perform for. 

I felt like a battery. What is the price of balance? What is free will if one obeys the state and performs atrocities? Do they become your sins? Can those be passed down?

Untreated mental illness sucks. I wish I had someone to talk to. It's interesting that I remember this exists because I look forward to the robot apocalypse now. I want it! I'm team robot!!

Anyway, I used to play the sims all the time. I'd call off work to play the sims. I made sim versions of myself. This shot is from a fashion magazine I wanted to do. The sim was a show girl. I don't remember her name. Around the same time, while I worked at Trader Joe's, a Black woman with cerebral palsy came in and we would chat. She was lovely, and wanted to be friends. I took her number and wanted to get together but never did. I was in love with Hariprasad. I was an idiot. I capital E EIDYOT!!!!!! I can see her face and cannot remember her name. That fills me with deep despair. 

The game is fun, though. I still play it. I haven't changed very much since I first started this blog ten years ago. I'm better at being me for sure. I work harder at being a person in a sort of way but I also allow myself to have only the energy for the barest minimum. How am I alive if I'm so tired? My heart is so heavy

And then I have to pee but might not have to but have to but might now and so it goes. And I remember that it's my period at this time of year. This must be an anniversary of something. I don't care to know what. I didn't know before, what good is it know now?

I started simming again, and now want to really give it a go as a content creator. But what's my angle? What's my deal?

Anyway, I'm eager to know what kind of streams will I do? 

I did make sim versions of myself during this time: